How would your life be different if you had resolved any confusion and had total clarity about what you want and what is best for you?
Ria van Doorn is passionate about empowering professional women and teaching them how to create success, she is the founder and creator of Feminine Success, a Coaching and Training company for women leaders and entrepreneurs.
She started her presentation with the very useful and insightful question:
“How can you overcome any obstacle that causes you to play small, instead of taking the space you need and deserve”. To find this out she introduced a technique called: The Clarity Process.
The Clarity Process helps you to
- Create a Crystal Clear Vision on how to attract clients without feeling overwhelmed
- Uncover Hidden Challenges that are sabotaging your ability to earn a sustainable income
- Feel Renewed, Energized and Inspired to take the next step in your career.
Ria explains that women have a tendency to “play small” instead of taking up the space they need. That women often ask for permission before they take action, or they listen to the opinion of others first.
She calls it: Women are Other Oriented
From the beginning of human existence, women have always been oriented towards others in order to survive; their primal role was to be sexually attractive and to care and nurture, qualities that are located in the reptile brain and which were needed in order to survive in the past.
Although these are great qualities, nowadays they can sometimes prevent women from obtaining success as a large part of their character seems to be always automatically oriented towards other people’s needs, and therefore forgets or looks over their own needs.
Ria’s advice: In order to achieve success, women need to focus on their own needs as well, and be able to put their own needs first.
Clarity Process exercise
We all sat down in pairs, across from each other, forming a mini power circle. One person was invited to answer a question to obtain clarity on what was causing her to sometimes play small and one person was the listener, who held the space for the speaker to open up and share.
The speaker was invited to hold the space and let her words come for 3 minutes, to maintain eye contact, to speak freely about her thoughts and, if no words came up, accept periods of silence. The listener was invited not to speak, which was sometimes very difficult (!), especially when the speaker asked herself questions followed by silence.
So in turn women were speaking to someone else, focusing solely on their own needs, not being distracted by the opinion of the person across from them and accepting the uncomfortable feeling that may occur when being at the centre of attention, not being afraid to feel whatever came up, and going to a place inside, a place where the answers could float to the surface.
We were focusing on the following questions:
Round 1: What do I need clarity on in life?
Round 2: Why is this so important?
Round 3: Who do I need to be or what do I need to do to lead a larger life?
Then the roles were switched around, and after each round all the speakers were invited to formulate their feedback in one word; almost everyone had a different word.
Ria’s advice for women like us who want to live a larger life was:
- to take the lead for our growth
- to provide support for ourselves in the same way as we provide support for others
- to be generous to ourselves
- to take responsibility for our goals and desires
- to ask ourselves what it is that we need to do or be, in order to grow and develop.
We left the workshop having gained more clarity on what we longed for, in order to live a larger life.
For those of us who were interested, Ria offered complementary Breakthrough Sessions.
Thank you Ria, for leading us towards success!
Author: Caroline Orthlieb